Lock down!

After the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy, our little school in Trout Creek, MT. decided to upgrade their security system.  One morning, I arrived at the preschool, and there was a large speaker attached to the wall, with numerous wires threaded along the ceiling, etc.  I was told that once everything was in place, the school would run surprise Lock Down drills!  and even the preschoolers would be expected to participate.

I worried and mulled this over.  My problem was what to convey to the children that wouldn't leave them traumatized, but would make them comply.  We're talking 3-5 yrs. olds here.  I was expected to herd them all into a completely dark closet and have them be silent until the drill was over.  I was told the drills could last as long as 20 min. and that a person would come knocking on the door, trying to get in, and it would all be part of the drill.  Teachers were not to release the children until we heard the special code over the loudspeaker.  I'm not positive the school was prepared for how literal I am, nor how relentless I can be about following the rules.

I decided to tell the children about this wonderful, fun, new game the entire school would be playing, called Lock Down!  We wouldn't know when the game would start, but all the grades would play, and WE wanted to be the winners!  (they were completely on board for this! They are WINNERS!)  The rules of the game were that we had to all stand or sit QUIETLY in the dark closet- SO QUIETLY that if someone came into the preschool, they would think we were not there!  EVEN if someone banged on the door, and called to us to come out.  Could we do it?????  YAY! of COURSE we could!  One of the preschool Dads came up with the BRILLIANT idea of storing glow sticks in the closet.... so, when we practiced, each child got a glow stick, and the whole thing was super fun because we only stood in the closet for about 3 min.  The preschoolers assured me they were READY! for whenever the entire school would play the game.

So... fast forward to last Thursday.  We're doing circle time, and talking about what season and month it is, when a cold, dispassionate, LOUD voice came over the loudspeaker. "This is a Lock Down! This is NOT a drill! The school is in Lock Down!"  The kids all looked up at me, eyes huge, and I said, " YAY!!!  We all get to play the Lock Down game!  Line up now!"  And bless their hearts! They immediately lined up!  EVERY single child!  I ran to lock both doors, and switched off all the lights, and shepherded my little class into the dark closet.  I grabbed the light sticks before closing the door completely, and handed them out.  NOT a single child squabbled over the color of their light stick!  Once they all had their sticks, I closed the closet door, and stood with my back pressed against it. 

And time went by.  The phone started ringing, but.... we were in lock down, so I would not leave to answer it.  The children sat down.  They were whispering quietly, and I would make occasional shushing noises, but all in all, they were very calm and muted.  And time went by.  We were making letters with our light sticks (they are the long, thin, bracelet kind), and watching how they reflected on the water heater, when suddenly, I heard someone trying to get into the preschool.  The children heard, too, and went SILENT.  Someone came in the door, and started walking around our classroom.  The man called out, "Hello?  Anyone here?" and the children were completely still and noiseless. "You can come out now! It's safe!" The children looked up at me, I shook my head, and they stayed perfectly still.  "Ms. Meredith?  It's Rick! the maintenance man!  Come on out!"  We could hear him opening other doors and closets.

I kept waiting for the official code to release us.  I kept thinking, it MUST REALLY be alright! right?  I mean... this isn't REALLY happening, right?  But why had there been no code on the loudspeaker?  Why wasn't this man using the code?  It's a TRICK!  and WE'RE not going to fall for it!!!  We're going to WIN!  so, the children and I stayed quiet.  Then, suddenly, Rick was pressing on the closet door!  I braced my back against it, and pushed back.  It DID run through my mind, that IF this was real, now is the time he just pulls out a gun and shoots me through the door.  Finally, he said, "Ok.  I'm going to leave now."  And we heard the front door close.

Sooooooooooo...... here's the dilemma.  IF this is real.... then, he's just pretended to leave- waiting for us to come out. BUT IF it was real, he'd already have shot us, right?  Soooooo- I told the kids to stay in the closet, and I sneaked out the door, and called the school.  They said, 'OH! Meredith!  We didn't know how to inform you!  The alarm was set off by mistake, because there's a glitch in the system.  It wouldn't give the special all clear code, so we sent Rick over to tell you, but you wouldn't come out!'  Apparently, Rick was supposed to give the special code, but he'd forgotten.  After I'd laughed at myself a bit, I said, "There's only one thing we need to know..... Did the preschoolers win?"  And the Principal gave and emphatic YES!!!

As I gave the children the GREAT news that they were absolutely THE BEST at this Lock Down game (I think we were in the closet almost 30 min!) they jumped up and down, high fiving each other.  One of the girls said, "Miss Meredith?  I was not expecting that to happen!" and I told her... that's the way the game is played!  No one knows when it will start!  Another child wanted to know just exactly WHO we'd beaten! And I told her, "The Kindergarten! 1st grade! 2nd grade! all the way through the big 8th graders!!!"  They were so proud of themselves!  I did tell them, that IF we ever had to play this game again, that the Kindergarteners were REALLY going to try harder! So, we'd have to step up our game a bit!  They all nodded knowingly... THEY know how Kindergarteners are.

Before we were done for the day, Trout Creek school sent over awards for all the preschoolers to take home, explaining how they'd been the BEST class!  how they'd won the game! and beaten out all the other grades.  They all got a BIG A+.  The children went home proud, and secure, without any concept of "bad guys" or "bad things" happening.  But, I have had a difficult time shaking the experience.

For one thing, as the time dragged on in the closet, I actually started wondering.... is this real?  And if this is real, and someone DOES come here, HOW am I going to save these children?  These little souls that I truly do love... all these little faces turned towards me so trustingly.  What can I do for them, other than to give up my life, and buy them some time?  I heard about the ladies doing Yoga class in our gym.  When the alarm went off, they'd locked the doors, and called 911, but one of them was a preschool Mom.  She said, it was all she could do not to unlock the doors and run to her child in preschool.  I told her, "I wouldn't have let you in" with a sad smile, and she said, "Oh! I KNOW! and I know I would have been endangering everyone- "  but that IS a mother's first instinct.  It's how I would have felt.

And finally, I thought about Sandy Hook and how it WAS real.  How they had been unbelieving at first... incredulous.  How?  Why?  They had to be terrified, and they did their best.  I will forever be bound to those teachers due to my profession- tied to those parents, due to my children.  Once again, I renew my fervor to never forget those precious souls.  I think I have gotten a brief glimpse into their what their life was like that December day.  God help us all.