Divorce

It feels like a death in the family- and I guess it IS- but not the death of a person. It's the demise of a family's plans and dreams- the hopeful projection of a beautiful future- Our lovely daughter and handsome son-in-law are getting divorced.

I've heard talk. This is a small town, and the Sterlings and the Schenavars are well known. In cases such as these, it's inevitable that THEIR family will have THEIR spin on events, and OUR family will have OUR spin, but the TRUTH of the matter is- NO ONE, not me, not even the two kids at the center of this- NO ONE really knows everything.  There's too much hurt in the process. And even the two involved, often, misconstrue, and deliberate or not, misunderstand, or inflate a comment here, deflate intention there and believe things that may not be. There are two sides to this, and I ask you to remember that. 

What I know is that, while disappointed in events and in certain actions BOTH of these kids have done, we recognize the overwhelming goodness of them BOTH. We love them BOTH. We are devastated this could not work out, and now, we pray for healing on both sides, lessons learned which will improve their selves, and lives moving forward into happiness and fulfillment. 

 

A good friend sent me this quote by Marianne Williamson:  

"What's difficult in life is to stay centered when somebody does or says something that tempts us to close our hearts because their heart was closed. That is hard. But that is also how we grow. We go through those circumstances in order to evolve into people who can hold to our loving center no matter what the world throws us".  Help me honor all struggling people by working at this. Help me choose understanding, forgiveness, and love over criticism, anger and derision.

NEITHER family is interested in your show of loyalty if it involves denigrating either person especially since you are not equipped with all the information to be able to judge, or the mandate from God to take over His provenance. Give us hugs. Give us love. Help us heal. Remember that NO ONE wanted this ending to their story.

Patience is not my virtue

I've discovered that I'm an insanely impatient person. Despite having the patience of Job with preschoolers, or even with other people in daily interactions- I'm ridiculously impatient for "THINGS TO HAPPEN!" This ranges anywhere from making my minimum sales for the month in my Jamberry business- to getting problems settled on a personal level. I want things done now, and things to move forward. I want to KNOW outcomes, and work progressively towards them. I want to know endings, and prepare. I fear that yawning, black hole of the unknown, and allowing each day and situation the time to unfold naturally, as it will, drives me BATTY! Time is ticking! I no longer have the luxury of wasting days and weeks and months. 

I remember calling for the kids to come do something.... set the table, clean up their toys, hang up their coats... and they'd yell, "Just a minute! I'll do it in a bit!" and I'd respond, "If I'd wanted you to do it later, I'd have asked you later!" Perhaps, I've ALWAYS been this impatient. ;)

Having this tendency is exacerbated when I have little knowledge and no control over a situation. I can let my friends and neighbors do just about anything they want- as long as it's not abusing a child or animal- but my OWN family? I just can NOT find that distance, the impartiality, the detachment I need to be a bystander. You think it's hard being a parent of children? It's NOTHING compared to being the parent of adults. 

I'm told, over and over, by my wise, impassive loved ones, that everything will work out! That everything is for the best! That life and love will now blossom! I just need to sit back, patiently, and wait to see what amazing things are in store!  *sighs* And that this is my life's lesson- to learn to give love and support, without comment or meddling. To stand by, silently, watching and waiting. 

I tell you the truth when I say, it's going to kill me, but I will die trying... *sighs*

Foreshadowing

Our Skye, apparently, was kicked by one of the horses about 3-4 wks. ago. At the time, the side of her head swelled up, and the Vet said, she'd lost a tooth. *sighs*  But time went by, and the swelling lessened, until there was just a little bump on the side of her head- barely noticeable. 

Fast forward to just 5 days ago... I turned to Bruce and said, "SOMEthing is different about Skye's bump! I can't put my finger on it... but something has changed." Bruce thought I was crazy- until the next day- when the bump was DEFINITELY bigger! and it had moved. Bruce and I thought it was probably an abscess, and we planned to call the Vet.

AND then- (life is never dull at our house) we woke the next morning, to find that the cat had sprayed blood on the garage door. I went in to tell Bruce, and he said, "Mere- Skye has another lump."  This one sprang up overnight.... and it was on her side. 

We got the cat in immediately, and he's on a special diet, and should be fine. But we had to wait 2 days for an appt. for Skye- all the while terrified she had some sort of bizarre cancer. The wait seemed interminable.

When I brought Skye into the Vet's office, I walked in on a woman crying... It didn't take long before I realized that she had brought her dog in to be put down. He was old, and couldn't move his hindquarters at all, and to make matters worse, he was a big, ole, beautiful black lab. I tried to be inconspicuous.... and melt into the background. I wanted to be respectful of her grief- but she turned to Skye, and hugged her and said, 'Stay young, Sweetheart." As they rushed to get me and Skye into a room, we had to walk past the lady... and on impulse, I just reached out, and put my arms around her. She said that they'd had 3 Labs. One died at 13... another was lost in an accident, and now this one was 12. And she said, 'I know that's old for a Lab. I know this is right, but it SUCKS." And then, we were ushered into our room. 

 After hearing that Skye was going to be just fine- She DID have an abscess, and the lump on her side was a common reaction to a rattlesnake venom vaccine she had gotten 3 1/2 wks earlier. I took Skye to the car, and the woman and her husband were just standing by their truck, crying. And I thought how I had just gotten such good news. And that they had just gotten such bad news.... and how I'd dodged the bullet this time, but I know, there will come a day for me, too.... when I can't see to drive home because of the tears.

 Hold your fur children a bit closer today, and send a prayer or thought to all those who have loved and lost and grieve.  Unfortunately, it is a universal condition, from which none of us escape.

For as the saying goes- One day, everyone of us will die. But on all the other days, we will live. Cherish those days.