I've discovered that I'm an insanely impatient person. Despite having the patience of Job with preschoolers, or even with other people in daily interactions- I'm ridiculously impatient for "THINGS TO HAPPEN!" This ranges anywhere from making my minimum sales for the month in my Jamberry business- to getting problems settled on a personal level. I want things done now, and things to move forward. I want to KNOW outcomes, and work progressively towards them. I want to know endings, and prepare. I fear that yawning, black hole of the unknown, and allowing each day and situation the time to unfold naturally, as it will, drives me BATTY! Time is ticking! I no longer have the luxury of wasting days and weeks and months.
I remember calling for the kids to come do something.... set the table, clean up their toys, hang up their coats... and they'd yell, "Just a minute! I'll do it in a bit!" and I'd respond, "If I'd wanted you to do it later, I'd have asked you later!" Perhaps, I've ALWAYS been this impatient. ;)
Having this tendency is exacerbated when I have little knowledge and no control over a situation. I can let my friends and neighbors do just about anything they want- as long as it's not abusing a child or animal- but my OWN family? I just can NOT find that distance, the impartiality, the detachment I need to be a bystander. You think it's hard being a parent of children? It's NOTHING compared to being the parent of adults.
I'm told, over and over, by my wise, impassive loved ones, that everything will work out! That everything is for the best! That life and love will now blossom! I just need to sit back, patiently, and wait to see what amazing things are in store! *sighs* And that this is my life's lesson- to learn to give love and support, without comment or meddling. To stand by, silently, watching and waiting.
I tell you the truth when I say, it's going to kill me, but I will die trying... *sighs*
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